Birth is Best

One week ago today, I had the privilege of being at the birth of a good friend. It is the only home birth that I have witnessed, besides my own, and it just really touched me. The mama was such a strong and powerful woman during her labor and her midwives remained totally in the background until they were needed. Baby was born into warm water, with his family around him, to dim lights and quiet voices. It was a special experience. I wanted to just write a few things down while they are fresh in my mind.
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Birth is best when we stop focusing on due dates. The pressure of going overdue in our society is HUGE. Before most women have reached their due date they are being hounded by friends and family to find out why that baby hasn't been born yet. Science has yet to discover why babies come when they do, and I think it is best to assume that there is a very good reason that baby chooses the day he is born. Any woman who has been pregnant knows all too well the physical and emotional discomfort that the last weeks of pregnancy can bring, so it very important to honor pregnant mothers with support and love, not questions and comments about how the baby is getting too big or that something must be wrong. Baby will come at just the right time if we allow him to.
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Birth is best when moms have choices. Choices about where to birth -- home or hospital, when to give birth -- no pressure of inductions, how to give birth and choices about who will be in attendance. Did you know that homebirth and even a birth attended by a midwife (in a hospital or birth center) is illegal in some states? This means that in this country women have more choices and options when it comes to terminating a pregnancy than they do when it comes to making choices about their maternity care and how/where they want to give birth? A woman should also have the choice, after making an informed decision, to give birth vaginally after having a c-section if that is her desire.
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Birth is best when we stop looking at the clock. One of the main differences you will notice if you get to witness a homebirth with awesome midwives, is that no one is going to stick their hand in a vagina and check dilation (even if you beg them to), unless there is a pretty good reason. Smart midwives understand that how far dilated someone is is not really an indication of much. We've all heard of that woman who walked around dilated to six centimeters for days before her baby was born, or the woman dilated from zero to 10 in the space of an hour and nearly had her baby in the car. Every labor is different, just as every baby is different. When we get stuck on the numbers it can be so disheartening to hear something that we didn't want to hear or give false hope when we still have hours of laboring ahead. The process of birth is a journey towards surrender, giving in to the process, letting our body just do its job as it is designed to do, without getting hung up on how you think it is supposed to happen.
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Birth is best when we center on the mother and honor her. Pregnant women are more than cute bumps and adorable maternity clothes and accessories. While it can be fun to open a million presents and play silly games about guessing which chocolate bar has been smeared in which diaper, an event that honors the pregnant mother, and her journey towards birth and motherhood are seriously lacking in our society. If you ever have the chance to attend (or better yet, plan or be the recipient of) a mother's blessing, I encourage you to do so. Gathering women together to send love and best wishes to the expectant mother is so special and deserved. I was very interested to learn recently that these types of events were very common during the early years of my own personal religious culture.
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Birth is best when we trust that mom (and dad) know best. I guess this is all the stuff that happens after the birth, all of the decisions that come when little baby is here. What baby will eat, where baby will sleep, shots, circumcision, discipline, etc. Everyone will have an opinion that they want to share, but it is important to remember that mom knows what is best for her child, and we don't want to do anything that will damper the natural instinct that she has to care for her children. I can be guilty of this, so I think it is a good reminder.
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I have a friend who told me that birth is like a wedding -- it should happen exactly how the mother (bride) wants it to. And this is so true...weddings take much preparation and planning, there is excitement and stress, we invite who we want to be there (no one would dream of crashing in on a wedding uninvited), we choose our location and attendant carefully, and through it all the bride is center stage, the one given the most consideration, the most honor. Birth can and should be the exact same way. Birth is best if it is.

Do You Doula?

Why the Fuss?

I've had to delete this post because it has caused some unwelcome traffic. I'll try and find a link to another one so you can find it if you need to.

Two Births, One Doula

As soon as we saw the plus on the stick, my husband looked at me and said, "Are you going to call Stacey?" So before I called a midwife and before I even told my mother about my third pregnancy, I called my doula to make sure she was available to support me at this birth. There was such peace knowing that she would be there with us again.

My doula left such an impression with me after my second birth. When she came into our hospital room she brought with her so much confidence -- confidence that I could birth my baby MY way. Confidence that I could get through it and that all things would play out exactly as they should. She breathed with me through ever contraction, shushed my husband and mother when I asked her to, knelt by my feet while I rocked in a chair, sat next to the tub while I moaned, whispered over and over that I could do this, that my baby would be here soon. She prepared me for some serious pain, dried my naked body with warm towels and helped me dress. She helped me walk, make the arduous climb onto the too tall hospital bed. She was unfazed and matter-of-fact. She was my lifeline and connection to Earth. And when baby came, when I finally got to hold him in my arms, she faded into the walls, guarding my space, so that I could marvel at my newborn with his daddy.

You understand now why I couldn't imagine giving birth again without her there.

It was awesome having her at my home as my doula the second time around, but just as each birth is never the same, our doula/client relationship was different this time also. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent Stacey just a couple of weeks after the birth of our third son, Sam.

I have wanted to tell you that I feel like I learned more about being a doula after Sam’s birth then I thought I could. Even though you did more physically when I was birthing Charlie, you were there for me more emotionally for Sam. It felt very nurturing, maybe because I trusted/knew you more. It was a beautiful experience to have you there. I feel even more inspired and more equipped to work with women.

My third labor, once active, was a collision course towards pushing and birth. I was so in the zone ("labor land", as some people call it), I barely noticed the presence of anyone. I needed to totally go inside of myself in order to manage the pain and maintain some control over my body. This time I didn't need my doula right by my side assisting me through every contraction, talking me through it all, encouraging me with her words. Instead what I needed was just...HER. Her presence, her energy, and her nurturing spirit.

After Sam was born, and I was all cleaned up and snuggling my baby in bed with me, my doula came into the room to say good-bye. It was time for her to go home. She brought me a drink and then smoothed my damp hair off of my face, and told me that I had done such an amazing job and that she was so glad that she got to be there. Her words and touch soothed me more than anything else I had experienced that night, because she made me feel honored and special, that my birth wasn't just all about getting a "healthy baby".

Being a doula is more than just the physical services that we have to offer. Labor positioning, massage, coaching, praising, counting and hand holding are all very important, and each birth demands its own type of support, but being a good doula is more than just being good at these things. Being a good doula is about embodying the entire definition of the word doula, to provide physical and emotional support for the pregnant and birthing woman. And, in my opinion, none of that physical stuff will work without an emotional connection. It is that critical.

Emerging

Hi! Remember me? I think there are a couple of you that check in here.

It has been too long since I have posted to this blog, and I am back to remedy my ways. Over the past few months I have had several posts nearly completely written in my head, and then didn't have the guts (or the time) to fully translate it to type. I have missed this place, and plan on renewing my commitment to take the time to express my thoughts on pregnancy, birth, mothering and breastfeeding. This is an exciting time in the birth world.

The summer is fast approaching and my baby is nearly one. I am amazed at all that has happened this past year -- it has been a good one. I love being a doula! It is an honor to be a part of such an important time in a couple's life, and I look forward to supporting more mothers this year on their childbirth journey.

Cost Versus Benefit

From a recent article in USA Today:

"Childbirth is the leading reason for hospitalization in the USA and one of the top reasons for outpatient visits, yet much maternity care consists of high-tech procedures that lack scientific evidence of benefit for most women, a report says today."

Currently, one-third of births in the United States is a c-section (the cesarean rate at our local hospital is currently just over 40%), and I would venture to say that nearly 50% of hospital births are started by induction. Interventions in childbirth seem to increase every year, and it is important to ask -- Are births getting safer?

To read the full text of the quoted article, follow this link.

The Winner Is...

Team Hanni, commenter #6. Please email me with your info, and I should have that to you in a week.