Two Births, One Doula

As soon as we saw the plus on the stick, my husband looked at me and said, "Are you going to call Stacey?" So before I called a midwife and before I even told my mother about my third pregnancy, I called my doula to make sure she was available to support me at this birth. There was such peace knowing that she would be there with us again.

My doula left such an impression with me after my second birth. When she came into our hospital room she brought with her so much confidence -- confidence that I could birth my baby MY way. Confidence that I could get through it and that all things would play out exactly as they should. She breathed with me through ever contraction, shushed my husband and mother when I asked her to, knelt by my feet while I rocked in a chair, sat next to the tub while I moaned, whispered over and over that I could do this, that my baby would be here soon. She prepared me for some serious pain, dried my naked body with warm towels and helped me dress. She helped me walk, make the arduous climb onto the too tall hospital bed. She was unfazed and matter-of-fact. She was my lifeline and connection to Earth. And when baby came, when I finally got to hold him in my arms, she faded into the walls, guarding my space, so that I could marvel at my newborn with his daddy.

You understand now why I couldn't imagine giving birth again without her there.

It was awesome having her at my home as my doula the second time around, but just as each birth is never the same, our doula/client relationship was different this time also. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent Stacey just a couple of weeks after the birth of our third son, Sam.

I have wanted to tell you that I feel like I learned more about being a doula after Sam’s birth then I thought I could. Even though you did more physically when I was birthing Charlie, you were there for me more emotionally for Sam. It felt very nurturing, maybe because I trusted/knew you more. It was a beautiful experience to have you there. I feel even more inspired and more equipped to work with women.

My third labor, once active, was a collision course towards pushing and birth. I was so in the zone ("labor land", as some people call it), I barely noticed the presence of anyone. I needed to totally go inside of myself in order to manage the pain and maintain some control over my body. This time I didn't need my doula right by my side assisting me through every contraction, talking me through it all, encouraging me with her words. Instead what I needed was just...HER. Her presence, her energy, and her nurturing spirit.

After Sam was born, and I was all cleaned up and snuggling my baby in bed with me, my doula came into the room to say good-bye. It was time for her to go home. She brought me a drink and then smoothed my damp hair off of my face, and told me that I had done such an amazing job and that she was so glad that she got to be there. Her words and touch soothed me more than anything else I had experienced that night, because she made me feel honored and special, that my birth wasn't just all about getting a "healthy baby".

Being a doula is more than just the physical services that we have to offer. Labor positioning, massage, coaching, praising, counting and hand holding are all very important, and each birth demands its own type of support, but being a good doula is more than just being good at these things. Being a good doula is about embodying the entire definition of the word doula, to provide physical and emotional support for the pregnant and birthing woman. And, in my opinion, none of that physical stuff will work without an emotional connection. It is that critical.

Emerging

Hi! Remember me? I think there are a couple of you that check in here.

It has been too long since I have posted to this blog, and I am back to remedy my ways. Over the past few months I have had several posts nearly completely written in my head, and then didn't have the guts (or the time) to fully translate it to type. I have missed this place, and plan on renewing my commitment to take the time to express my thoughts on pregnancy, birth, mothering and breastfeeding. This is an exciting time in the birth world.

The summer is fast approaching and my baby is nearly one. I am amazed at all that has happened this past year -- it has been a good one. I love being a doula! It is an honor to be a part of such an important time in a couple's life, and I look forward to supporting more mothers this year on their childbirth journey.

Cost Versus Benefit

From a recent article in USA Today:

"Childbirth is the leading reason for hospitalization in the USA and one of the top reasons for outpatient visits, yet much maternity care consists of high-tech procedures that lack scientific evidence of benefit for most women, a report says today."

Currently, one-third of births in the United States is a c-section (the cesarean rate at our local hospital is currently just over 40%), and I would venture to say that nearly 50% of hospital births are started by induction. Interventions in childbirth seem to increase every year, and it is important to ask -- Are births getting safer?

To read the full text of the quoted article, follow this link.

The Winner Is...

Team Hanni, commenter #6. Please email me with your info, and I should have that to you in a week.

Ring Sling Giveaway

I recently purchased some beautiful, natural colored, linen/rayon fabric with the intention of sewing myself a sling. Since I can easily make two slings with the fabric I have (each will be 30 inches wide), I thought it would be fun to make another to give away.

Leave me a comment to enter yourself into this giveaway, and I will randomly select the winner next Sunday evening.

The winner will get to choose the color of the rings and thread (the fabric is a neutral light tan/khaki color), and should receive their sling within a week of being chosen. You also don't have to live locally to enter -- I'll just put it in the mail.

Good luck!

PS: This type of sling could be used with a child up to about 35 pounds, so you don't have to have a tiny baby to enter.

Things to Ponder

I just got done watching the trailer for The Other Side of the Glass, a movie that is geared towards empowering fathers to preserve their baby's space after birth. It was pretty mind blowing.

I think sometimes we are geared to think that things are a certain way, just because that is how it has always been. If we have a baby in the hospital, such and such will happen. If we have a baby at home, so and so will happen. We forget, sometimes, that just as we have rights that should be honored, our newborn babies also deserve those same protections.

It is difficult at the very end of birth for the mother to be able to totally advocate for herself and her child. Sometimes she is experiencing her own interventions that can take away her ability to totally focus on her baby (placental delivery, stitches, c-section, anesthesia, etc.), and this is why she totally and completely depends on her birth partner to watch over her newborn's safe-keeping. I don't think that most fathers are equipped to advocate for their child. It can be intimidating to stand up to or question those we consider professionals.

I know some people will watch the trailer and think of their own birth experiences (I know I did). You may feel that the interventions that your baby experienced after birth were necessary or that they caused no ill effects. Watching the video may cause you to relive your own and your baby's birth trauma. For me, the trailer reminded me that babies, in utero and freshly birthed, are sentient. They are individuals with a brain and a heart and a soul. They have awareness and memory. They should be treated with tender hands, soft voices, and with respect.

Now go watch the trailer and tell me what you think.

Due Before December?

I am trying to achieve DONA certification before the beginning of the year and would love to attend two births in November/December. If you are due during that time, and would like to have support of a doula, please email me for information. I am offering my services for FREE!