I've read several birth stories lately where the author has used their midwife's notes to write everything out. This makes sense, because when in the throes of labor, it can be very difficult to be aware of everything that is going on. Everyone at a birth has their own experiences and perceptions, and I've done the best I can to be as accurate as possible, while sharing my own perspective of the birth. Interestingly, I got some pictures back from my doula the other day of the birth. She had captured a picture of something that I had absolutely no idea had occurred (I'll share more about this later). I don't know where I'm going with this, other than to say that the facts presented are my own thoughts of how everything occurred, and maybe I'm not totally accurate, but I think I'm pretty close.Back to the story...
Stacey, my doula, was first to arrive. It was about one o'clock in the morning. I had been in the water for less than five minutes, and I really had a hard time finding a comfortable position. I tried sitting cross-legged, leaning back against the walls of the tub, floating on my stomach, and kneeling, but as soon as a contraction hit my whole bottom would hurt so bad that I just didn't know where to situate myself. I started yelling, "No, no, no, no, no" over and over during contractions. Stacey encouraged me to relax my face and that I could definitely do this.
Lennon came in soon after to listen to the baby's heart rate during a contraction. She didn't make me move at all, and just stuck the doppler into the water and listened. The baby had gotten a lot lower so it was difficult to find his heartbeat, but she did after several tries, and it was a wonderful sound.
Within minutes, the contractions were right on top of each other. I was yelling my way through them. I was yelling so loud that I was sure I would wake up the kids and my neighbors. Later, my midwives told me that I wasn't yelling all that loud, but, in the moment, I felt like I was loud enough to bring down the roof. It was the only way I could manage the pain. I never would have felt comfortable yelling like that in the hospital, but it really helped me to feel better.
Stacey mentioned that she would like to try and take off my swimsuit bottoms in between a contraction (unlike me, she actually thought I might have a baby sometime soon). I agreed with her, but the contractions weren't really having a breaking point, and the baby was just pushing down so hard. Every time he moved it was excruciating and the most difficult part of labor. I had never experienced that sensation before. It was almost more than I could handle. I kept saying, "don't move baby, please don't move". At some point, Stacey came over and yanked off my underwear. It was quite an ordeal, and one of my funniest memories of the birth. Me squirming around, trying to lift my hips and her pulling off my very wet, and difficult to maneuver, bottoms off.
I wish I could share some amazing technique that I used to get through those contractions, but I don't. This was such a different labor for me, and it was all I could do to get through it. I was yelling, saying I couldn't do it, crying. I didn't visualize a bud opening up to the flower. I didn't have a mantra. I felt like I was on a runaway train, and was just hanging on for dear life.
A little before 2:00 AM I switched positions to lean over the side of the pool. My back was towards everyone. Lennon came over to listen to the baby again. I had another contraction, but it felt different this time. It felt good. It wasn't painful. I was able to just breathe through it and didn't feel the need to yell. At the peak of it I wondered if my body was starting to push. I told Mike that I thought it was time to go and wake up John. I waited for the next contraction to actually try pushing. The contraction came and as it peaked I pushed a little bit. I could feel my water breaking and said so out loud.
From behind me I heard Pamela's voice. I hadn't even realized she was in the room. Quietly she told me that she was seeing a little more blood than she likes to see (I hadn't noticed that the clear water of the birth pool was slowly turning red) and that she would like me to push really hard during the next contraction and get my baby out.
I grumbled something about already pushing hard, and started to bear down.
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1 comment:
Good words.
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