Two Births, One Doula

As soon as we saw the plus on the stick, my husband looked at me and said, "Are you going to call Stacey?" So before I called a midwife and before I even told my mother about my third pregnancy, I called my doula to make sure she was available to support me at this birth. There was such peace knowing that she would be there with us again.

My doula left such an impression with me after my second birth. When she came into our hospital room she brought with her so much confidence -- confidence that I could birth my baby MY way. Confidence that I could get through it and that all things would play out exactly as they should. She breathed with me through ever contraction, shushed my husband and mother when I asked her to, knelt by my feet while I rocked in a chair, sat next to the tub while I moaned, whispered over and over that I could do this, that my baby would be here soon. She prepared me for some serious pain, dried my naked body with warm towels and helped me dress. She helped me walk, make the arduous climb onto the too tall hospital bed. She was unfazed and matter-of-fact. She was my lifeline and connection to Earth. And when baby came, when I finally got to hold him in my arms, she faded into the walls, guarding my space, so that I could marvel at my newborn with his daddy.

You understand now why I couldn't imagine giving birth again without her there.

It was awesome having her at my home as my doula the second time around, but just as each birth is never the same, our doula/client relationship was different this time also. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent Stacey just a couple of weeks after the birth of our third son, Sam.

I have wanted to tell you that I feel like I learned more about being a doula after Sam’s birth then I thought I could. Even though you did more physically when I was birthing Charlie, you were there for me more emotionally for Sam. It felt very nurturing, maybe because I trusted/knew you more. It was a beautiful experience to have you there. I feel even more inspired and more equipped to work with women.

My third labor, once active, was a collision course towards pushing and birth. I was so in the zone ("labor land", as some people call it), I barely noticed the presence of anyone. I needed to totally go inside of myself in order to manage the pain and maintain some control over my body. This time I didn't need my doula right by my side assisting me through every contraction, talking me through it all, encouraging me with her words. Instead what I needed was just...HER. Her presence, her energy, and her nurturing spirit.

After Sam was born, and I was all cleaned up and snuggling my baby in bed with me, my doula came into the room to say good-bye. It was time for her to go home. She brought me a drink and then smoothed my damp hair off of my face, and told me that I had done such an amazing job and that she was so glad that she got to be there. Her words and touch soothed me more than anything else I had experienced that night, because she made me feel honored and special, that my birth wasn't just all about getting a "healthy baby".

Being a doula is more than just the physical services that we have to offer. Labor positioning, massage, coaching, praising, counting and hand holding are all very important, and each birth demands its own type of support, but being a good doula is more than just being good at these things. Being a good doula is about embodying the entire definition of the word doula, to provide physical and emotional support for the pregnant and birthing woman. And, in my opinion, none of that physical stuff will work without an emotional connection. It is that critical.